He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
