cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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