sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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