did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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