Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
