I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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