I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
