Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
