Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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