He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
