I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
