Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
