Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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