He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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