Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
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so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize