She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
