I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
