I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
