My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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