I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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