Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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