just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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