im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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