Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize