why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
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let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
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Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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