So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
