And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
