I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
