so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
