is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He better not be in your backpack
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
