I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
