Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
