i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
