blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
