So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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