and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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