get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
