If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
