she was so not down for the gang bang
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
