My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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