This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize