I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
