Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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