Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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