how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
