Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.