You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.