Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
