I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
