I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Help. Why am I so naked?
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