I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
