Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
