Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
