Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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