Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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