She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
