I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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