You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
