Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
