i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
