sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
