Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
