It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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